Oh, Windows...

I got a shiny new Thinkpad X1 Carbon 3rd Gen for my new job. It came with Windows pre-installed. Out of morbid curiosity and willingness to consider giving this shiny new allegedly-less-terrible Win8 thing a chance, I booted it up into the default Windows installation before wiping everything to install arch.

Windows: Hi there! Tell us a bunch of information!

Me: Okay...

Windows: Log in to your Microsoft account!

Me: Can I skip this? I can’t skip this? I have no such thing. Let’s stick some bogus credentials in and see how it fails.

Windows: Aww, those credentials were wrong. Want to just skip this step?

Me: YES! I would swear that link wasn’t there before. Okay... sets up local account

Windows: I’m going to reboot now.

Me: Ah, good ol’ classic Windows.

Windows: reboots quickly, then screen gradients from color to color while installing apps

Me: Whoa, trippy!

Windows: shows relatively familiar-looking Windows-ey desktop

Me: Hmm, my skills from middle school might still apply. opens internet exploder, goes to mozilla.com

Windows: Here’s the mozilla site! Here’s a big button for downloading Firefox.

Me: Thank you, Moz, for knowing that’s why I’m here.

Windows: You wanna install this? You sure?

Me: Yes, sure I’m sure. Oh, and let’s see if we can partition disks politely from that little tool that used to be around here somewhere. clicks the thing where the start menu should be

Windows: Hello human, I hear that humans find squares and bright colors aesthetically satisfying! Here are many bright colors, and many squares!

Me: Ogod make it stop... they warned me about this... slams window key

Windows: Aww, okay, here’s your desktop back.

Me: types “windows 8 how to partition disks” into exploder address bar, since ff is still downloading

Windows: Here are some Bing hits for what you want! First one is some disk-partition.com thing.

Me: Okay... reads... windows+r, type diskmanagement.msc. Yay, it’s almost like a fake command prompt!

Windows: You have 5 partitions! 1,000MB, 260MB, 217GB Windows, 12.42GB Recovery, and 7GB OEM!

Me: Congrats. Let’s delete that recovery stuff; I like living dangerously.

Windows: Nope. Not gonna show you those buttons; you might hurt yourself.

Me: Alrighty then, is there sudo or anything? checks help docs

Windows: Haha nope. Also, have an error about how you’re trying to run the system updater twice at once, even though you didn’t invoke either.

Me: Fine then, have it your way. wipes entire disk and installs Arch Linux